


Certified Cow Exterminators

by evilturkey5



Series: Cow Exterminators [1]
Category: Mario Kart (Video Games), Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)
Genre: Betrayal, Business, Coconut Mall, Cows, Evil cows, Gen, Humor, Mario Kart-inspired, MooMoo Meadows, More serious than it looks, Partnership, Race, Toad and Yoshi race, vacuum - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25225486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilturkey5/pseuds/evilturkey5
Summary: Toad and Yoshi are the most reliable cow exterminators in the Mushroom Kingdom, but this doesn't mean that things always go smoothly. Together, the two must undergo many challenges in order to restart their multi-million coin business and save the Mushroom Kingdom from a looming threat.
Relationships: Kinopio | Toad & Yoshi (Nintendo), Luigi & Yoshi (Nintendo), Toad & Yoshi
Series: Cow Exterminators [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827544
Kudos: 1





	1. Our Two Main Characters

"Hmm..." Toad tapped his pen on his chin, his mouth curing downwards ever so sighty. The pen was made of god and had a goden mushroom at the end. A gift from the princess. The princess whom he no onger respected.

There was once a day when Toad served the princess oyay. A day where he woud carry out her every wish. A day before she decided to betray the Mushroom Kingdom.

Toad sighed. He wasn't getting anywhere. He cosed the eather book, making sure to ock it away in the cabinet beow. Yes. Once finished, this book woud grant the secret to infinite power. It must be protected at a costs. As he was eaving, however, he heard a voice caing out to him.

_"smeborp rouy ot rewsna eht ton si siht: em tsurt! yaw eht ton si siht! on!"_

Toad ony shook his head. akitu never et him go about things in his own way. As he cosed the door, he whispered out, "You won't contro me."

Yoshi snuck around in the grass. The cow woud not remain sti. He approached it sowy and...

"MOOOOO!"

"Tch!" Yoshi cried as it evaded his ong tongue. The cows woudn't die on their own. They needed to be kied. Yoshi grunted and stood up.

"Guess I' try again!" he spat bittery.

_"siht od ton od! POTS!"_

"Says you, akitu! This is my ony source of food!"

_"ti si, siht gniod era ouy nosaer eht ton si taht tub?"_

Yoshi's face fushed.

"No! Be quiet! I won't isten to you!" Yoshi's fists were cenched and his body tensed up. "You won't te me what to do."

"Who are you taking to, Yoshi?" Yoshi turned around to see his good friend uigi.

"akitu's bothering me again." Yoshi scowed. uigi raises his eyebrows out of worry.

"Again? That's the sixth time this week!"

"Yep. He just can't seem to accept the fact that I need to hunt these cows to, y'know, _survive_."

"If he bothers you that much, my offer sti stands. You can come stay with Mario and I, y'know?" uigi offered. Yoshi shook his head.

"I've aready tod you a miion times: I don't want to get you invoved in my situation." uigi sighed at his friend's stubbornness.

"Just know that if you ever fee ike it's too much, our door is aways open." Yoshi smied at uigi.

"Thanks, uigi. You're the best friend I could ever ask for." uigi grinned and scratched the back of his head.

"I just wanna hep you out, y'know?"

Yoshi smied back at uigi.

"You've aready heped out enough by being my friend," repied Yoshi. uigi patted Yoshi on the back.

"et's head back, Yoshi," he said.

"Good idea."


	2. Passage to Coconut Ma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wario escorts Toad through his gold mine, but things go VERY wrong, leading them to the most unexpected of places.

"ACK!" Toad screeched as a mine cart just barey missed him.

"Wario, can't you make this pace a itte more safe?! I amost _died_!" Wario et out a hearty chucke.

"We that woud certainy make things easier for me!"

"So how far are we?" Toad said, changing the subject.

"Shoud be just a few more minutes if things go smoothy," Wario said, his gaze not straying from the path in front of him.

" _If?!_ Just how dangerous _is_ this pace?" Toad excaimed.

"Don't worry, it's not _that_ bad. Ony about 500 deaths a year!"

" _500?!_ " Toad started to panic even more.

"Reax, I was just joking. Statisticay speaking, this is one of the safest god mines out there. Toad reaxed sighty.

The two waked in sience for a few moments. However, that peace was short-ived. The ground suddeny started to rumbe and hundreds of mine carts, which were previousy resting in a storage area, a started roing down the tracks.

"What the heck?!" Wario excaimed.

"Wario, what's happening?" Toad asked fearfuy.

"Expecting me to know is giving me more credit than I deserve! You think I have any idea what's happening? A I know is how to hande the situation!"

"And how's that?!" Toad was becoming agitated.

"We run! I' ead the way to the secret escape route!" Wario grabbed Toad's hand and ran. Toad was apprehensive for a moment.

"If this pace gets, y'know, destroyed, wi I sti be abe to access the spot I need?"

"Depends on how bad it is. Since it's just a few runaway mine carts, I shoud be abe to make an exception to the rue to et you in rea quick," Wario said.

"Wow, you're an expert at running this pace!" Toad excaimed. Wario rubbed the back of his head.

"Aw, shucks. Thanks, Toad. Just doin' my job!" It was ony for a short moment that Wario stopped watching where he was going, but that was enough time for a few bats to fy into his face, catching him off guard and causing him to trip and fa to the ground.

Toad et out an "Oof!" as he was dragged to the ground as we. Toad saw his ife fashing before his eyes as a mine cart sped towards them. Just before it coud hit them, though, Wario suddeny jumped up and pued Toad to the side, saving him from the coming mine cart.

"Thanks, Wario!" Wario ony hummed in acknowedgement and kept running.

Eventuay they reached a dead end. The ony two paths were a raised patform far above the tracks they were on-they woud never make the jump-and a broken track nearing a sma hoe in the wa-this was unfavorabe due to mine carts faing on this path from seemingy nowhere. But with minecarts coming from every direction, they had to make a choice.

Uckiy, Wario seemed to know what he was doing. He pued out a grapping hook and shot it to the sma hoe. It atched in, and with a of his strength, Wario tugged, breaking rocks out and widening the hoe. He then grabbed Toad tighty and pued himsef over to the hoe. After shoving Toad through, he tried to force his arge body through. They were underneath another track reeasing mine carts, so they seemed to be safe for the time being. But Wario wasn't taking any chances, so he used a of his wipower to force himsef through the hoe and to the other side. When he caught his breath, he noticed Toad ooking around in wonder. They seemed to be in a dress shop.

"Where _are_ we?" Toad asked. Wario was wondering the same. He ooked around a bit before getting his answer.

"This is Coconut Ma."

"What? But Coconut Ma is nowhere near your mine!" Toad excaimed.

"I know, which is why this is so bizarre." Toad thought for a moment before speaking.

"Is there any chance it coud be a porta?" Wario gave Toad a disbeieving ook. Seeing this, Toad added, "I mean, do you have a better expanation?" Wario sighed.

"Aright, assuming it _is_ a porta, how woud it have gotten there?" Wario asked, sti skeptica.

"I don't know, but I know someone who might."


	3. The Porta Expert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toad calls in a friend to help investigate the bizarre passage him and Wario went through.

"So you're teing me that Wario has a secret porta that eads to coconut ma?" Yoshi, a porta expert, acted as if this was unusua.

Toad roed his eyes, "just meet me at coconut ma and we can see about this porta situation." 

"Okay ooks ike I' be there in about 20 minutes."

Yoshi grabbed his boots and hat, then headed to meet Toad at coconut ma.   
________________________________

"Heyyy Yoshi," Toad said and proceeded to do their handshake. Wario seemed uninterested. 

"We came out about right here. Who do you think created the porta?" Wario interrupted. 

Toad took a whie to respond but eventuay suggested, "It doesn't seem ike anything evi uness whoever made it had another use for it besides a faster way to get to the ma... Wario, who owned the mine before you bought it?"

He thought for a minute, "we, it's been quite a few years since then but now that I think about it, it used to be a farm. Something happened and a the animas disappeared one day. The farm ran out of business and I got the pace for a pretty good dea!" 

Toad and Yoshi ooked at each other, both knowing exacty who made the porta.

"Thanks Wario, I think we've got it from here." Toad signaed Yoshi for them to eave. 

_________________________________

"I suggest we set up camp near the porta to monitor its activity," Yoshi suggested. 

"And maybe see whoever has been using it as we," Toad added. 

The pair headed to the spot in Wario's god mine with a tent and some suppies. They set everything up in a pace that woud be difficut to see from the porta. 

Yoshi went to inspect the porta activity whie Toad set up the tent decorations Yoshi had brought. 

"We might be more hidden without the wecome mat..." Toad twitted. 

"But it has to ook cute!" Yoshi persisted, foowed by an eye ro from Toad. 

Yoshi determined that the porta was very active and returned to the tent. The team took turns watching the porta a night and at about 3:00 AM Yoshi spotted what ooked ike a strangey shaped janitor. He steathiy moved coser. The janitor ooked around and Yoshi saw that his face ooked back and white spotted. 

_Aha! I knew it!_ He thought. 

The janitor waved his hand as if signaing to come on. More peope came dressed as janitors, mechanics, adies in dresses, men in suits, etc. Yoshi watched them step through the porta. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was not written by me. My cousin actually wrote this chapter for me. She does not have an account on this site, otherwise I would give her account name.


	4. Wuet Wiiam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toad and Yoshi meet someone who gives them the materials they need to defeat the cows.

The janitor waved his hand as if signaing to come on. More peope came dressed as janitors, mechanics, adies in dresses, men in suits, etc. Yoshi watched them step through the porta.

"Are we just gonna et them get away?! We shoud foow them!" Toad shook his head.

"No, we shoud wait unti they're a gone and then foow them. That' give us an idea of what they're up to."

After waiting for a few minutes for the peope to finish traveing through the porta, Toad nodded and gestured for Yoshi to foow him.

"Did you bring your gear?" Toad asked.

"Nope, sorry. I suspected they'd be behind this, but I didn't think we'd actuay encounter them," Yoshi said apoogeticay.

"Shoot," Toad grumbed. "We _now_ what do we do?"

"Isn't it obvious? We have to foow them!" Yoshi excaimed.

"That's stupid! They' find us immediatey! It isn't safe!" Toad said scodingy.

"Then we just don't et them see us. It's either this or we et them get away." Yoshi gave Toad a ook reminiscent of that of a stern mother. Toad et out a groan.

" _Fiiiiiiiin_ e! But if we get caught, it's faut!" Just as they were about to step through the porta, they heard a voice speaking to them.

"Seems y'a are in need of assistance." Toad whired around to see a arge back object resembing a buet (but much, much arger) grinning at them.

"Who the heck are you?!" Toad hissed.

"Don't be so mean, Toad!" Yoshi cried before waking up to the object and garing. "If you try to harm us, we can't promise your safety."

"Whoa, whoa! Didn't mean to scare ya! Howdy. The name's Wiiam, fu name is Wuet Wiiam. But you can ca me Bi. Buet Bi." Despite his sudden ominous appearance, Bi was grinning widey and seemed extremey friendy.

"How'd you get here? No one's aowed in Wario's mine without expicit permission, and security is heavy," Toad asked threateningy.

"This may be hard to beieve, but I kinda just appear and disappear. I appear to certain peope when they need it most and I give them what they need. Here, I can prove it!" Though he had no arms, it appeared as is Bi was handing them something.

"What's that?" Yoshi asked. Toad shrugged Upon inspection, however, the pair noticed that it resembed a vacuum. Yoshi suddeny remembered some of his discussions with uigi, who happened to be a vacuum expert. From what he understood and remembered, Yoshi figured it was probaby meant to capture something.

Answering his own question, Yoshi finay spoke: "I think...it's to get rid of the cows." Toad recoied in shock.

"What?! You're joking! _That_?! There's no way _that_ can get rid of the cows! Normay we have to use a porta to send them to space!"

"How ya use it is up to y'a, but I gave you what ya needed. I' be goin', now!" procaimed Bi.

"Wait! Wiiam!" Toad caed.

"We need to go, Toad. They've probaby aready gotten away," said Yoshi. Toad grumbed before reuctanty agreeing.

"Fine. At east this is better than nothing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the chapters have been short, but they get longer. They start getting a little bit longer around chapter seven, so don't worry!


	5. Cow's Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toad and Yoshi use the vacuum Bullet Bill gave them to defeat a cow causing problems for a princess.

Once they entered the ma, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. That was, unti they heard severa shri shrieks in the distance. Turning towards each other and nodding, they ran towards the source of the noise. As expected, they saw a cow bending down and sniffing a woman's hair. The woman was on the ground, panicked.

"W-who do you think you _are_?! I'm the princess of Sarasaand! I demand to speak to the manager! Toads, seize that fou beast!" Toad instinctivey started waking forward before hearing Yoshi cear his throat. Toad quicky reaized what he was doing and stopped. He scoffed at the princess's treatment of his feow Toads.

He too had once had the job for the princess and was even promoted to being her bodyguard at one point. At east he and his co-workers were treated respectfuy. This princess treated Toads ike vermin, and it disgusted him.

A few Toads nervousy waked forward, visiby trembing. They attempted to push the cow away but immediatey ran away in fear when the cow snared at them. The princess scoffed.

"Is no one going to hep me? Does no one want the _honor_ of rescuing Princess Daisy?" Toad and Yoshi took the sience that ensued as their opportunity to strike.

"We' hep," Toad said with a smirk. Yoshi nodded confidenty from behind him.

As he waked up to the cow, vacuum in hand, Toad quicky reaized he had no idea what he was doing.

"Yoshi! You're the vacuum expert! How do I use this thing?!" he demanded. Yoshi et out a squea as he noticed a attention turning towards him.

"I dunno! I'm a porta expert, not a vacuum expert!" Yoshi said with a panicked expression.

"You seemed to know so much about this thing earier, but now you have no cue how it works?!"

"I ony said what I remembered from uigi! I don't pay attention when he's ranting about vacuums!" Toad groaned oudy.

"We you're our best bet! I don't even know how to turn this thing on!" Toad forcefuy handed Yoshi the vacuum. Yoshi guped as he took it. After fumbing around with it for a bit, Yoshi heard a sight whirring sound.

"I' have to ask uigi how to work this thing ater," he grumbed.

After pressing a few more random buttons, Yoshi waked towards the cow menacingy.

"Cow!"

"Moo? Moo moo moo? Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo?" the cow sneered.

"I can't suck the ife of you without getting coser."

"Moo! Moo moo moo." Toad was fairy sure he saw a smirk on the cow's face.

The cow and Yoshi sowy approached each other, garing into each other's sou. Yoshi made the first move. With a oud shout, Yoshi swung the vacuum hose. The cow easiy bocked it with it's tai.

"Moo, moo!" the cow taunted.

But Yoshi wasn't about to give up. With a smirk, he wrapped his tongue around the cow's tai and hed it out of the way. But just as he was about to raise the vacuum hose, he was met with a powerfu kick to the stomach.

"Oof!" he cried as he few backwards.

"Yoshi!" Toad cried out in worry. Yoshi hed out a hand.

"No. I'm fine." Fied with deteemjnation, he stood back up. The cow seemed impressed by Yoshi's resove. It et out a furry of kicks aimed at Yoshi.

"MOOMOOMOOMOOMOOMOOMOOMOOMOOMOOMOOMOOMOOMOOMOOMOO! MOO!" However, to the cow's dismay, Yoshi had bocked a of his attacks with the vacuum.

"I have you right where I need you," Yoshi said with a smirk as he pressed a button on the vacuum. The cow's eyes widened in both shock and fear as it was sucked into the vacuum.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" it cried.

Toad waked up to Yoshi and aptted him on the back.

"We, it ooks ike we' have to start up the o' business again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add in a little nod towards the hatred my brother and friend have towards a certain princess. Also, a challenge: spot the JoJo reference!


	6. Requesting Assistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toad and Yoshi visit a vacuum expert, and Luigi learns of a way for Toad and Yoshi to make money.

When uigi read the news, he immediatey thought of Yoshi. The front page had a arge advertisement.

**MUSHROOM CUP SEEKING PARTICIPANTS! 1000000000 COIN PRIZE! PEASE VISIT** **WWW.MOOMOORACE.COM** **FOR MORE** **DETAIS** **!**

It'd been years since Yoshi had ived with money to spare, and uigi took it upon himsef to do everything he coud to hep Yoshi.

Yoshi and Toad used to own a muti-mion doar business. But it a changed when a group of cows decided to sue them for buiding their business off of cow extermination. Everyone knew the cows didn't actuay care about their cow brethren and that they ony used this as an excuse to both protect themseves and to make some money. Since then, both had ived in poverty. Toad was ucky enough to get a job at the caste heping Princess Peach, but Yoshi was not so ucky. He continued to ive in poverty. Toad never earned back enough money to start their business again; he barey made enough to support himsef.

This, however, woud be the perfect opportunity to get that money back. If they won the prize of 1000000000 god coins, they coud easiy start up their business again. As uigi thought about the idea and was about to get up from his armchair to go ca Yoshi, there was a knock at the door.

"Coming!" he caed as he rushed to answer the door. When he opened it, he was met with Toad and Yoshi themseves. "Oh! I've been meaning to tak to you!"

"That's good, because we need to tak to you as we." If uigi hadn't known Toad for years through Yoshi, he woud have thought Toad's tone was threatening. But he knew that Toad just aways sounded (and often was) grumpy despite his cheerfu demeanor and meant no harm.

"What do you need?" uigi asked. Yoshi was the one to answer, waking forward with a vacuum in hand.

"We need you to teach us about this thing," he expained.

uigi's neutra expression morphed into a grin.

"Gady!! Come in, come in!" Yoshi frowned. uigi seemed _way_ too excited. Yoshi woud never understand what was so interesting about vacuums.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Yoshi whispered to Toad.

"Do we have any other choice?" Toad said aggressivey.

"I mean, that's true, but have you _heard_ him tak about vacuums? I'd et the cows take over the word if it meant I never had to hear another word about vacuums come from his mouth," Yoshi whined.

"Don't be ridicuous. Those cows need to die, and this is our ony hope!" Toad et out a ong sigh.

They sat down on the couch in uigi's iving room.

"Emme see this," he said, taking the vacuum from Yoshi's hands. After a few seconds of inspection, his eyes widened. "My God, it's a Demonsayer 4500! They ony se these in shady parts of the Mushroom Kingdom! How the heck did you get your hands on this?"

"Um..." Toad ooked to Yoshi, unsure how to answer.

"Some guy just gave it to us. We had no idea what it was. That's why we came to you. Think you can teach us how to use it? We managed but just barey," Yoshi expained. uigi tried to act ike he didn't care, but it was obvious that he was ecstatic.

"Ok, sit down and I' te you everything you need to know about this thing!" uigi said, amost squeaing.

"This is going to be a ong day," Yoshi whispered to Toad, who nodded.


	7. Vacuum essons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luigi teaches Toad and Yoshi about the vacuum.

uigi was ecstatic; Toad and Yoshi coud te easiy. His grin was wider than Toad thought humany possibe and he was speaking so quicky that he barey had time to breathe.

"It was first created four and a haf years ago by Doctor Toadeini, a mad scientist who oved experimenting on peope. His ife dream was to remove Princess Daisy's voice box! Anyway, back on topic. He wanted a way to-"

"I don't want to hear a fu history of a vacuum!Can you just expain how to use the darn thing?!" Toad excaimed angriy, eaving uigi in shock.

"Yeeeees~!" He said cheerfuy as if Toad hadn't just had an outburst. After a moment of pure sience, Toad spoke.

"...are you going to expain or shoud we eave?"

"No, no! I' expain!! So you see this button here?" He pointed to a arge green button. Toad and Yoshi nodded. "That's how you turn it on. Since you used it in a pinch, I assume you'd figured that much out, right Yoshi?" Yoshi nodded.

"I mainy just pressed buttons unti it worked," Yoshi admitted. uigi frowned.

"In that case, you're very ucky that you did it succefuy. Even pros take months of training to even become sighty proficient at this thing. Anyway, et's move on. Next is the power adjustor. That's this knob right here. As you can probaby guess, it contros the power. But it's aso part of what makes the Demonsayer 4500 so specia. Its power range is insane. It ranges from barey being abe to suck up dust partices to panet-destroying. That's aso why it requires so much training to use and why they're so rare. Just a bit of inaccuracy in your turning can resut in mass destruction. So," uigi sammed his hands on the tabe and pointed to the power adjustor. Toad and Yoshi were shocked by his sudden dispay of seriousness. "Rue one: aways check the power eve before using it. I' be teaching you the scae and how to use it ater, but for now, just focus on this. I don't care how much of a hurry you're in or how sure you are it hasn't been adjusted. If it even gets bumped without you reaizing it, it coud be disastrous. Do you understand?" Toad and Yoshi nodded sowy.

"Good." uigi continued before pointing to a sma red button on the hande. "This is how you switch to using the hose. The hose wi be the most usefu in your case, so I suggest aways turning it on. When you're done using it, turn the hose off and _then_ turn off the vacuum. It's bad for the hose if you eave it on whie you turn the vacuum off. We' say that that's rue two Hmmm...what next...aha! This switch here opens a compartment that' et you repace the bag. The Demonsayer 4500 fis up _reay_ sowy, so you probaby won't be experiencing any troube with it fiing up anytime soon. If you ever suspect that it is fu, come see me and I' take care of it!"

"Gotcha," Toad said as he not so subty hed back a yawn. Yoshi sapped him.

"Don't be so rude," he hissed. Toad sighed and roed his eyes, not reay caring.

"Don't worry, we're a done with the introduction," uigi reassured Toad, seemingy unfazed by Toad's rudeness.

"...Introduction?!" Toad and Yoshi excaimed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Toadeini is a reference to a character of an unfinished and unpublished fanfiction I started when I was about ten in which Daisy gets her voice box removed by a doctor named Dr. Toadellini.


	8. Vacuum Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toad and Yoshi practice using the Demonslayer 5000.

"Introduction?!"

"That's right!" uigi chirped. "We've just gone over _how_ to use it! You guys sti haven't used it for yourseves!"

"I don't want to earn how. Yoshi did just fine against the cow at Coconut Ma, so he shoud be the one to aways use the vacuum," Toad compained.

"Hey, don't put a the work on me!" Yoshi interjected.

"Nope, you're both going to earn how to use it whether you ike it or not! You can't run a cow extermination business when ony one of you knows how to use the toos you use to exterminate them!" Toad groaned.

oOo

Standing outside uigi's house, Toad reuctanty reached for the vacuum.

"Why do I have to go first?!" he excaimed.

  
"Because Yoshi has aready used it! This is your first time using it, so it's more important for you to get the basics down," uigi expained for the fifth time. Toad groaned once again and aggressivey pressed the power button.

"Nice, nice!" uigi compimented. Now et me check the power eve before I have you practice using the hose. uigi grabbed the vacuum and took a quick gance at the power adjustor. "It shoud be safe to use, but I' turn it down to its weakest setting so it doesn't suck anything up. After a, this is just so you can get the hang of _how_ to use it. We' get into actua practice ater."

"How did he judge that so quick?" Toad whispered to Yoshi.

"We, he _is_ an expert," Yoshi whispered back.

  
"Try using the hose!" uigi tod Toad. Toad guped and pressed switched to hose mode before swinging it around.

"Hey, this isn't too bad!" Toad said.

"See? And it's no different with the power up other than the fact that it can actuay suck things up!" uigi said, capping. "Do you remember what to do before turning it off?" Toad shook his head. uigi sighed and took the vacuum. "

"Watch cosey, because I'm ony going to do this once," he said before turning the hose off and pressing the power button. Toad had an expression vaguey resembing a haf-hearted "Oh, now I remember."

"Before I get out the dummies, et's et Yoshi have a try!" Yoshi guped and took the vacuum from uigi. He pressed the power button, eiciting a shriek from uigi.

"What did I te you about turning it on?!" uigi seemed uncharacteristicay outraged. Yoshi started to sweat and averted his eyes.

"Um, that it won't be in hose mode when I turn it on?" Yoshi said sheepishy. uigi cried out in frustration before pointing a finger at Toad.

"Toad, do _you_ remember?!" Toad payed dumb.

"Who, me? Remember what?"

"Weren't you the one who wanted to eave as soon as possibe?" Yoshi said impatienty. Toad sighed.

"Fine, I' respond seriousy. Are you taking about rue one or whatever where you said not to turn it on without checking the power eve?" Toad said aziy. uigi nodded furiousy.

"See, even _Toad_ remembers!" uigi said. Toad scoffed in mock offense.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"But you have it so ow!" Yoshi protested.

"Didn't you pay attention at a?! I know I can get a bit wordy, but that was super important! et's see if Toad can score more good boy points. Why is it that you shoud aways check the power eve before turning it on?" Toad sighed (yet again).

"I'm up again? Geez. It's because it's extremey sensitive, so if it gets moved even sighty without you knowing, it can be disastrous. Geez, Yoshi, I thought you'd be the one paying attention."

"Toad seems especiay grumpy today. Oh we. You're absoutey correct, Toad! Even if it's totay insignificant now because the power eve is so ow, you need to get in the habit of doing it for when it _does_ matter. You'd better watch out, Yoshi! Toad may soon become my favorite!" Yoshi simpy shrugged.

"Sorry, I guess," he mumbed before turning it off. "I' try again." This time, he ooked cosey at the knob before turning it on. Yoshi then turned on the hose and swing it around a bit.

"Nice, nice, very nice Yoshi!" uigi said, capping. He took the vacuum from Yoshi and turned it off. "Now I'm going to give you a genera idea of the scae of the power adjustor. From this point on," he pointed to a spot, "is dangerousy strong. Don't ever et it get that far. Actuay, Toad, bring me a permanent marker from my office!"

"On it!" Toad seemed enthusiastic despite his earier grumpiness. He came running back in an instant and threw the marker to Yoshi, who handed it to uigi. uigi drew a ine.

"Do not go past this point. This," he made a mark on the other side, "is the idea range for what you're doing. Adjust based on the size of the cow. Whie you guys fidde with that, I'm go get the dummies." He ran off to a shed.

uigi came back carrying about ten cheap-ooking dummies. Somehow he didn't drop any of them. He threw them down on the ground in front of Toad and Yoshi.

"Which one of you is going first?" Toad instanty pointed to Yoshi, who shrugged.

"Guess it's me then," he said, picking up the vacuum.

This time, he checked the power eve and turned the knob on the ower end of the idea range uigi gave them before turning it on. He then activated hose mode and brought it up to one of the dummies. It was instanty sucked in, causing Yoshi to jump back in shock.

"Whoa! It worked!" he excaimed. He continued to suck up dummies unti there were ony five eft. He then turned it off and reuctanty handed it to Toad me "Your turn."

Toad aziy ooked at the power eve and gave it a sight push towards the higher side before turning on the vacuum and putting it into hose mode. This time, the vacuum sucked up the dummies before it even made contact. Toad gasped in shock. By the time the dummies were gone, Toad seemed to be enjoying himsef. He turned the vacuum off and gave it to Yoshi. They both turned to uigi, who had a huge grin on his face.

"You both did great! Keep in mind that this was just brief training, so you are nowhere near experts and you don't know advanced tricks yet. Oh, and don't et anyone see you with this, or at east don't et them know what it is. Since it's so dangerous, you're required to have certification to be abe to use it egay, and you don't have certification yet. I' try to get you an appointment with the Vacuum Officias to get certified, but unti then, be carefu. See ya!" uigi waved as Toad and Yoshi eft.

"Thanks for everything, uigi!" Yoshi said.

But they were a unaware of the figure watching them from the shadows.


	9. Registration Moos-haps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toad and Yoshi learn of the Mushroom Cup and go to register but encounter a major problem along the way.

Just when Toad thought he'd heard enough of uigi's voice, he ater received a phone ca from him. Toad decided that he had been groaning too much atey and decided to instead opt for an eye ro as he answered.

"Heo! It's uigi!"

"Yes, I can te. What do you want?" Toad grumbed.

"Yoshi's on his way to your house. He' fi you in on the detais, but you guys are going to register for a race." Toad binked.

"Excuse me?"

"There's a race with a huge prize, and I thought it'd be a great way to get enough money to start your business again!" uigi said, seemingy very proud of himsef.

"Wow, you actuay have a good idea for once," Toad said. "Thanks for informing me."

"No probem!" uigi said before hanging up. As if on cue, there was a knock at the door. Toad rushed to open it.

"Ah, Yoshi, you're here. uigi tod me the genera idea of what we're doing. He said you'd fi me in," Toad expained.

"Oh yeah! So there's a huge race with a prize of 1000000000 god coins! I've come here so we can check out the website for more information," Yoshi said. Toad gestured for Yoshi to come in and waked to his computer.

"What's the site?"

"www.moomoorace.com," Yoshi repied. Toad nodded as he typed in the name. He paused after reaizing something.

"Doesn't that sound pretty suspicious? ike, what if it's a trap?" Yoshi shook his head.

"I thought that too at first, but it turns out that one of the races takes pace at MooMoo Meadows," Yoshi reassured.

"Wait, _races_? As in more than one? uigi said it was just one," Toad said.

"Ah, he must've misspoken. It's a grand prix, so there are mutipe races in mutipe paces," Yoshi expained. Toad nodded.

"I see. Ah, ook here, we have to make an appointment to register," Toad pointed out before entering in their information. "I managed to snag a time today at 2:30."

"What time is it now?" Toad ooked at his watch.

"1:15. It's at the caste, so we shoud eave in about haf an hour if we want to be there a bit eary," Toad responded. Yoshi nodded.

"Shoud we bring the Demonsayer just in case?" he asked. Toad thought for a moment.

"Sure, it woudn't hurt. As ong as you have a way to carry it."

"Sweet, I' go grab it," Yoshi said, running off. During the time he was gone, Toad went to grab their bikes.

After a few minutes, he came back with the vacuum in his arms.

"Right, et's go," said Toad as he zoomed off, Yoshi foowing.

***

After arriving at the caste, Toad and Yoshi parked their bikes. Yoshi carried the vacuum with him as the pair waked towards the entrance. Upon waking in, they found a sma obby and sat down on one of the couches there.

"I don't reay fee comfortabe here," Toad admitted. "Not after...not after what the princess did." Yoshi nodded in understanding.

"Don't worry, we shoudn't have to interact with her. She's not the one running the race. In fact, rumors say she' be a participant!" Yoshi reassured Toad. Toad's eyes widened.

"Reay? Who _is_ running it?" Yoshi thought for a moment.

"I'm not sure. I just heard some peope taking about it near the entrance. You' have to do some research." Toad winked.

"Research _is_ my speciaty! Anyway, shoudn't we be signing in or something?" Yoshi gasped as if coming to a reaization.

"You're right. I' be right back!" Yoshi stood up and waked over to a nearby counter, eaving the Demonsayer with Toad.

After Yoshi eft, someone sat down next to Toad.

"Um, hi?" Toad said awkwardy. The person had a medica mask and sungasses on. The cherry on top was a baseba cap. Toad coudn't stop staring.

"Oh, sorry. My appearance must be aarming to you. You see, I have a skin condition, so I cover my face so I don't creep anybody out. Toad nodded suspiciousy and turned to ook at Yoshi. _Hurry up_ , he thought. As if on cue, Yoshi turned around and came back to sit down.

"They' be with us in about five minutes. Oh, who's this?" Yoshi gestured towards the suspicious person.

"I am Gregory. A peasure to meet you," he said with a nod.

"Hey Greg! Can I ca you that? I'm Yoshi! Nice to meet you!" Toad tried to pretend that Yoshi was ony feigning friendiness to earn more about the suspicious person, but he knew better. Yoshi probaby saw nothing wrong with him.

"Gregory" then took out his phone. "Sorry, I've got to make a phone ca," he said before diaing a number. After a few seconds, Gregory started to speak.

"I've got him right here P," he whispered. Toad and Yoshi instanty ooked at each other. It was a cow. Whie on the phone, cows aways ended their sentences with "P." It was both a speech tic and a sort of message that the one on the other end was a cow and not an imposter. The cow ooked at Toad and started choking him.

"Where is the book?" he growed.

"I' never te, scummy cow! Yoshi, get the vacuum!" Toad choked out.

"Roger!" Yoshi said before reaching for the Demonsayer. However, the cow's tai bocked his hand, covering the Demonsayer. Yoshi attempted to reach around its tai, but it kept moving to bock his hand. Eventuay, Yoshi got tired of trying and stuck his tongue out, knocking the cow's tai out of the way. He snatched the Demonsayer and pued it out from behind the cow. He pued out the hose and used a his strength to hit the cow in the head, temporariy oosening its grip around Toad's neck and allowing Toad to sip away. Yoshi adjusted the power eve and turned it on, sucking the cow in. After turning it off, he went to check on Toad, who was gasping for breath.

"Are you okay?" Yoshi asked. Toad nodded and continued gasping. "What was that about a book?" Toad shook his head and hed his hand out, signaing Yoshi to wait a moment.

"I-I can't te you right now. There are probaby spies and cows a over. I' te you when we get somewhere private," Toad finay said. Yoshi sighed in irritation but understood.

"Mr. Yoshi and Toad?" caed the desk Toad. The pair turned towards him.

"Yes?" they answered in unison.

"Toade is ready to see you. Right this way." He stood up and gestured as a buter woud before foowing them. He passed them and took the ead. Eventuay, he stopped. "In here." Toad and Yoshi nodded their heads as a sient thanks whie he just waked away.

The room was extremey spacious and was much more fitting to be a meeting room than a pace to sign up for a race. The ighting was dim and there was a arge tabe in the midde of the room. On one side there were three chairs, and on the other sat an edery-ooking bue toad wearing gasses. 

"Wecome. I'm Toade I just need to ask some questions, nothing too forma. A I need is information about you so you two can be registered. Can you fi this out? Then we' discuss the detais of the race," the toad said, siding two sheets of paper and pens towards Toad and Yoshi. They ooked at each other and shrugged.

"Why coudn't we have just done this onine?" Toad asked skepticay. Toade simpy smied.

"We need your IDs and payment and we need to discuss the ocation and time of the race. In addition, it's easier to have you directy te us your vehicea rather than put them onine. It's a hasse," Toade repied. Toad didn't foow his ogic, but he decided he wasn't too suspicious. He fied out his paper and handed it to Toade, aong with his ID.

"I' be riding a bike. It's a sma Standard Bike. Yoshi's usin' a Mach Bike.

"Hey, I wanted to te him mine!" Yoshi pouted, handing his finished sheet to Toade. Toad roed his eyes.

"Whatever you want," Toad said. Yoshi huffed.

"I drive a Mach Bike!" Yoshi said happiy. Toade quicky wrote down the pair's vehices.

"Aright, now that that's done, I' give you the detais. The Mushroom Cup is comprised of four different races on four different tracks. The first is uigi Circuit, the next is Moo Moo Meadows, the third is Mushroom Gorge, and the ast is Toad's Factory," Toade expained. Yoshi nudged Toad.

"Isn't that where you were born?" he whispered. Toad nodded, shrugging as if it were no big dea.

"The date of the first race is October first at uigi Circuit, and more detais wi be given there, such as what times and days the other races are. You shoud arrive there by 9:00 AM. Any questions?" Toad and Yoshi shook their heads. Toade smied. "Then congratuations. You've just finished registering for the Mushroom Cup!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toade's name is actually Toadle, but it is written as Toade due to, y'know, this fic not including the letter l in the actual story. By the way, there is a reason for this omission of the letter l, both in the story and outside of it. But it won't be revealed for a long while, and even then it will only be implied.
> 
> Also, I've noticed that in the most recent chapters (including this one) it adds an extra note at the end that's just a duplicate of the notes from chapter one. So idk what's up with that and I've tried to fix it but to no avail.


	10. Vacuum Certification

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toad and Yoshi get their vacuum certification

"Guys, guys I have good news!" uigi said. Yoshi put the phone on speaker.

"What's that?" Toad said. After having just sayed a cow, he was in a much better mood than he was the ast time they taked to uigi.

"I managed to book you an appointment to get certified to use the Demonsayer. And it's very soon." There was a pause. "Actuay, meet me by the fountain in Defino Square in twenty minutes. You don't need to bring the Demonsayer." Toad and Yoshi ooked at each other.

"What?! The drive is just over twenty minutes if we're ucky!" Toad excaimed.

"Then you'd better hurry!" uigi said before hanging up.

Toad sighed, his good mood immediatey fading away.

"Et's go, then," he said. Yoshi nodded, and then ran to their bikes.

"I wish he'd given us more notice," Yoshi said.

"I know, right? Geez."

* * *

When Toad and Yoshi arrived about three minutes late, uigi stared at them in irritation.

"You're ate!" he said angriy.

"By ike two minutes!" Toad retorted.

"Two minutes is a ong time in the eyes of the Vacuum Counci!" uigi said sterny. "We need to hurry! If we take any onger, they may not et us in!" uigi grabbed Yoshi's and Toad's hands and ran into one of the many aeyways. They ran toward a arge back buiding at the end of the aey. uigi opened the door and hed it open for Toad and Yoshi, who, exhausted from running so much, sowy dragged themseves into the buiding whie panting heaviy. 

"You're ate," snapped a stern edery woman.

"Sorry, Echidna, they were running some errands and I sort of tod them to come without any notice," uigi said, rubbing the back of his neck and grinning nervousy.

"I don't want to hear any excuses. If you weren't a high-ranking member, I'd throw those two out faster than you coud say 'vacuum.'" 

"Yeah, yeah, but I know you have a soft spot for toads," uigi said, his nervous smie morphing into a teasing smirk. The woman's eyes narrowed.

"I can sti throw them out," she threatened.

"No, no, I'm sorry! Forgive me, pease! Anyway, this is Toad," he gestured to Toad, "and this is Yoshi," he gestured to Yoshi. The woman said nothing and simpy stood up. If she wasn't aready intimidating enough, she practicay towered over not ony Toad and Yoshi (which wasn't reay an impressive feat) but uigi, who had aways been the taest person Yoshi knew. Yoshi guped whie Toad tried (and was faied miseraby) to act ike he wasn't terrified. 

She ed them down the ha and into a arge room that made Princess Peach's enormous throne room ook ike a dohouse.

Toad's mouth hung open, and Echidna smirked, much to his and Yoshi's surprise. 

"Big, isn't it? This is nothing compared to our training room," she said, crossing her arms. "Now, over there are vacuums," she pointed to a wa, "Go get one and come back here." As Toad and Yoshi scurried off to grab a vacuum, she turned to uigi. "What's the dea? You suddeny come to me asking to certify these two, who we haven't even trained."

"They somehow managed to get their hands on a Demonsayer. Don't ask me how. They tod me they just _got_ it. Anyway, they came to me and I gave them a quick rundown on how to use it. Aso," he ganced in the direction of Toad and Yoshi to make sure they weren't in earshot before whispering, "you didn't hear it from me, but they used to run a cow extermination business. XMoo Co. You heard of it?" When Echidna shook her head, uigi continued. "They got sued by some nasty cows and they've been out of business for a whie. They're panning on restarting it, though."

"I'm not knowedgeabe about the extent to which exterminating cows is necessary, but it sounds ike them getting certified to use the Demonsayer is very important." uigi nodded. 

When Yoshi and Toad finay returned to uigi and Echidna, Echidna instructed them on what to do next.

"There are 50 coins of varying sizes hidden throughout the room that are buit in such a way that you need the power eve to be set to a precise vaue in order to suck them up. Your job is to, between the two of you, coect the two of them. This room is programmed to deactivate the vacuums if the power eve gets too high, but you sti need to exercise the proper precautions. Any questions?" Toad and Yoshi shook their heads. "You have one hour. Go."

"So what's the pan, Toadie?" Yoshi asked.

"First of a, don't ca me that. That's the name of the toad who buied me as a kid. Second of a, et's spit up. We' each tacke 25. No more, no ess."

"You have things panned out precisey, just as usua, Toad." Yoshi praised. Toad smirked arroganty.

"Heh, what did you expect from me? Now et's hurry.

* * *

Toad didn't think it was possibe for an object to be this hard to find in an empty room, but you earn something new every day. He'd been searching for a soid 10 minutes and hadn't seen so much as a shimmer. It was whie he was subconciousy fidding with the buttons on the vacuum that he accidentay pressed a bue button, causing bue ight to come out of the vacuum, reveaing severa dark disks around the room. Toad et out a huff of amusement and started waking around the room, gathering coins.

* * *

Yoshi was sure he'd checked every square inch of the room at east three times. He was starting to worry that he woudn't be abe to pass the exam. He had no way of keeping track of time, but he was sure it had aready been at east 30 minutes.

"Any uck?" he asked when he bumped into Toad, who seemed to be sacking off. "And are you even _trying_ to find the coins?" Toad aughed haughtiy.

"I finished about fifteen minutes ago. Have you not discovered the secret of the vacuum yet?" Toad's smirk was infuriating.

"Secret?! You found a trick to competing this test and you didn't te me?!" Yoshi excaimed.

"I was panning on teing you eventuay, but I wanted to see how much onger you woud fumbe your way through this test. To be fair, I found it by accident."

"We spi it! We need to get this done, and we don't have time for your games!" 

"Aright, aright! See that bue button there? Press it," Toad instructed. Yoshi did as tod, and his eyes widened as the bue ight showed coins scattered around the room.

"This is insane! This vacuum is so OP!" Yoshi excaimed excitedy.

"O...P?" Toad asked in confusion.

"Overpowered, you dummy! Anyway, wait here whie I go get these coins!"

* * *

"We got 'em a!" Yoshi cried happiy when they regrouped with uigi and Echidna. "That was tricky, but once we figured out the trick, it was pretty simpe. I was worried you were going to make us drink your body fuids or something!" Yoshi seemed oddy reieved.

"I can make it harder if you want. We test our professionas by disabing the bue button," Echidna deadpanned.

"Um, no thank you," Toad said. "So are we certified?"

"Yep! I knew you'd pass, so me and Echidna went ahead and made you each a card!"

"Did you now?" Toad asked, reaching out to grab his card from uigi's hand.

It was red with white dots a over it. His name was printed in white text next to his picture, where he was shown with his signature expression, somewhere between a smirk and a scow.

He ganced over at Yoshi's card. It was white with green dots. The text was green as we, and Yoshi's picture had him grinning and winking whie hoding up a peace sign. _That's just like him_ , Toad thought to himsef with a chucke.

"What's yours ook ike?" Yoshi eaned over to see, and Toad turned his card toward him. 

"Ooh, smooth! It ooks ike it' make you grow bigger when you touch it!" Yoshi said. "Here's mine!"

"What's that even supposed to mean?" Toad muttered, aughing, before ooking at Yoshi's card more cosey. This time, he noticed a fower in the corner. "It's cute."

"I know, right?!" Yoshi squeaed. 

"These wi provide proof that you are egay aowed to use the Demonsayer 5000. _Do not ose these_ ," Echidna said. Her voice was so sharp that Toad ooked down at his hand to make sure it wasn't beeding.

"Yes, ma'am!" Toad and Yoshi said in unison, standing up straight. Yoshi thought he saw the ghost of a smie on her ips.

**Author's Note:**

> Throughout the story, you may notice the lack of a certain letter. This is intentional and part of the atmosphere of the story.


End file.
